Monday, April 30, 2012

Good morning crew,

I did a little "cleaning up" around the condo this weekend. Since my entire wardrobe seems to consist of four pairs of pants and a dozen shirts I was surprised to be able to fill two entire trash bags with clothes to donate.

I am amazed at some of the things I once thought were cool. The black, button-fly jeans with the tapered ankles, okay, it was the nineties, but when the hell did I ever think it was a good idea to buy parachute pants?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"Earth Day was yesterday. They estimate that a billion people participated in Earth Day activities. Then they all went back to driving their SUVs to the gym." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"A recent study has found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that the seniors are like any other students...except they take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --Conan O'Brien

***
"A new study found that happiness is u-shaped. By that they mean you're happy when you're young, you're least happy in middle age, and happiest again in retirement. You're least happy in middle age ? especially when you realize you're never going to be able to retire." -Jay Leno

***
Laws of Life:

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other.

As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, "I'm fat."

"No, you're not," the other scolded.

"My hair is awful."

"It looks just fine."

"I've never looked worse," she whined.

"Yes, you have," her friend replied.