Thursday, January 26, 2012

Good morning crew,

It's that time of year again. The Strictly Sail Boat Show is at Navy Pier. I think I have come to terms with the reality of the fact that I will never be able to afford a boat again, but I also believe that an active fantasy life is healthy for a balanced mind, so I still go every year and walk around the 45-foot Beneteaus, Catalinas and Jeanneaus.

I imagine puking over the railing while I sail across the Atlantic to Europe, making several stops as I work my way down the coast. Maybe Calais, Le Touquet, Brest, Cascais, Cadiz and eventually Gibraltar before I head through the straight. Then, six months sailing the Greek islands.

I figure I'd need two years and about a million dollars.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"There's a new app that lets you post a message on Facebook after you die. Now you can finish off that message you were typing right before you got into the head-on collision." -Jay Leno

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"I make my choice for president based on how well each candidate would handle an alien invasion." ?Jimmy Kimmel

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"Here in California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. When asked why, a spokesperson for Starbucks said, 'Because sober people don't buy Michael Buble CDs.'" -Conan O'Brien

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Freelance newspaper writers don't get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks.

"Wow," said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. "You must deliver a lot of papers."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. "Excuse me," said the woman, pointing to a pond. "What is that water made out of?"

Bemused, my friend replied, "Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen."

"See?" she said to her boyfriend. "I told you it wasn't real."